There are no "Days Off" in Mothering

My oldest daughter Amanda has physical illnesses. She also has a mental illness. There I said it. Out loud to people who don't know me. Thanks to some great new friends I made this year, I am not ashamed to admit that my daughter has depression.

Amanda has been hospitalized three times this year, and it has been a very hard road to travel. She is doing better, and I actually see happiness in her eyes.

I have done my very best to keep her busy this summer, in hopes of warding off those "blue" days. And by blue days, I mean the ones where she wants to put a bag on her head.

She is in summer school 2 mornings a week, sees a mentor at our local youth center once a week, and of course has her therapist. During the rest of the time, we are at our local pond, or book store, or on a day excursion to NH.

This week I slipped up. I became a little depressed myself, and didn't make much of an effort to come out of it. This affected Amanda. For the past 3 days she has been holed up in her room, cranky and depressed. I knew this, but because of how I was feeling I was not very helpful to her. I feel horrible about it. Things were going so well, and because I slipped up, she was suffering.

Luckily I found my way out of the doldrums I was in, and became the Mother again. Yesterday we planned a trip to our town beach. Amanda did not want to go. I had to physically take her clothes off and get her in the shower. I told her over and over again that she needed to get out and she would start to feel better. We fought for over an hour. She pouted and I yelled. She stomped her feet, and I slammed doors. But it was worth it. I got her out.

We all had a wonderful time in the sun and water. Amanda got out of the car and immediately went swimming. The transformation I saw in her eyes was nothing short of miraculous. Her depression lifted (for now). We talked a little, and we both agreed that I was right to make her get outside. She said she felt better, and hugged and thanked me. It was then she admitted that she wanted to hurt herself this week. My heart sank, thinking about all the hard work we have done that may have been destroyed in a matter of days. I realized that no matter how I am feeling, I need to always be vigilant as a mother with Amanda. Just beause things are good doesn't mean they will stay that way. There are no days off for me. I am a Mother.